Soft Girl Era (Taylor’s Version)
Late last year, I read an article from PureWow and it irked me in a way that stuck with me for days (apparently months because this article was published in November 2023). They boiled down the entire Soft Girl Era trend into being about finding a partner to take care of you, which gives me such a big ick I did something I NEVER do - I wrote an unprompted DM to PureWow about it and they probably think I’m insane now. 😂
I still think the article overgeneralizes and misses the point of the Soft Girl lifestyle for some of us - being soft doesn’t necessarily mean being less independent. I'm just beginning my Soft Girl Era - it's got nothing to do with finding a partner to do things for me. It's more about ditching all of the exhausting people-pleasing and self-sabotaging habits that have left me feeling drained and stressed out in pretty much every aspect of my life, up to and including my romantic relationships.
I don’t think being ‘soft’ is the same as being Weak or Lazy
Yes, you could theoretically live a soft life by having everything handed to you and never lifting a finger, but I think you can also live a soft life by strategically choosing the things that empower and nurture you and saying “no thanks” to things that don’t fit that bill. It's like saying, "I'm not gonna be docile or servile, but I won't waste energy fighting battles that aren't mine to fight either."
The PureWow article also questions who is funding this Soft Girl Life - I am not 100% sure where anyone said Soft Girl Life means no income or not working, but I think it means finding a career that best fits your interests, skills, needs, etc so that earning money to fund your awesome life doesn’t completely suck.
My Soft Girl Era is just that, Soft.
I think some women in their Soft Girl Era aren't exactly looking for someone to take care of them in the traditional sense. Instead, they're on a quest to create a life that's like their cozy haven and the right partner is but one facet of that life. My Soft Girl Era is all about discovering what makes me feel good, empowered, and genuinely happy - life really shouldn’t be as hard as it has been for me, and my softness is about embracing what works best for me.
Some ways I’m strategically making my life softer aka less stressful:
Decluttering and Decorating - having a beautiful space to look at where everything is in its place is soft
Taking Care of My Skin Inside and Out - this one’s soft in the realest sense! From drinking water to using retinol and learning about vitamin C and snail mucin, I’m trying to take care of my skin so I look great all the time with or without makeup.
Get Help - From getting a therapist to getting regular housekeeping service, to reaching out when I need a friend I am practicing softness by using my resources to take care of myself and my space
Nurturing my Body - Putting in the work to nurture my body through food and fitness is Soft Girl Behavior
Working How and Where I Want to Work - I work in an industry that I am very successful in, with the privilege of working from home and sometimes from an amazing, women-only co-working space full of friends. Soon, I’ll even have total control over my schedule so that I can work when works best for me and my body
I don’t want to be babied, I want a healthy, supportive, awesome relationship
I’m not interested in looking for someone to lead me in life. I want to be supported by and stand next to a partner who thinks I’m just as important as they are, and because they think I am important, they put in effort to take care of me and make me happy.
Would I also like to be treated sometimes? Absolutely! But creating my Soft Girl Life is so separate from having my partner take care of me. I think that the best partner I’ll ever have will come when I am fully living my best Soft Girl Life, and I’ll know they’re a great partner because they will fit easily into my Soft Girl Life, not disrupt it!
To wrap it up…
I don’t believe that the Soft Girl lifestyle is a ticket to dependency or even solely about partnership; instead, it’s a balanced, fulfilling life where your responsibilities, habits, and relationships best compliment you. When I think about my Soft Girl Era, I am excited to find the peace I’ve been missing while being so proud of being able to handle anything and everything. Yes, I sure can handle anything and everything.
But I shouldn’t have to.
